Layman’s Guide to Medical Terminology

Once we recognize that people play with the variations of dialects, as well as the slang and argot of special fields, we’re ready to tackle one of the perpetually interesting topics of homonyms and their humorous partner malaprops. Here’s a classic of this form of word play provided by a physician at Mary Washington Hospital.

A Layman’s Guide to Medical Terminology

Anally                                     Occurring Yearly

Artery                                      The Study of Fine Paintings

Bacteria                                   Back Door to Cafeteria

Barium                                    What You Do When CPR Fails

Bowel                                      A Letter, Like A, E, I, 0, U

Caesarian Section                    A District In Rome

Catarrh                                   A Stringed Musical Instrument

Cat Scan                                 Searching for Kitty

Cauterize                                Made Eye Contact with Her

Colic                                       A Type of Dog, like Lassie

Coma                                     A Punctuation Mark

Congenital                              Friendly

D & C                                     Where Washington Is

Diarrhea                                  Journal of Daily Events

Dilate                                     To Live Long

Enema                                   Not A Friend

Fester                                    Quicker

Fibula                                    A Small Lie

Genital                                  Non-Jewish

G. I. Series                            Baseball Games between Soldiers

Grippe                                   Type of Suitcase

Hang Nail                              Coat Hook

High Colonic                          Jewish Religious Holiday

Impotent                               Distinguished, Well-Known

Intense Pain                          Tepee Torture

Labor Pain                             Getting Hurt At Work

Medical Staff                          Doctor’s Cane

Morbid                                   Higher Offer

Nitrate                                   Cheaper Than Day Rate

Node                                     Was Aware of

Outpatient                             Person Who Has Fainted

Pap Smear                            Fatherhood Test

Pelvis                                   Cousin of Elvis

Post Operative                       Letter Carrier

Prostate                                 Flat on your Back

Protein                                  Favoring Adolescents

Recovery Room                      Place to do Upholstery

Rectum                                 Damn Near Killed ‘em

Rheumatic                             Amorous

Scar                                      Rolled Tobacco Leaves

Secretion                              Riding Anything

Seizure                                 Roman Emperor

Serology                               Study of Knighthood

Terminal Illness                     Sickness at the Airport

Tibia                                     Country in North Africa

Tumor                                   An Extra Pair

Varicose                                Located Nearby

Vein                                      Conceited

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