Bumper Stickers

All generalizations are false.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

Montana — At least our cows are sane!

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!

Friends don’t let Friends drive Naked.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Forget about World Peace. . . Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home

There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Auntie Em, Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. –Dorothy.

Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

I’m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

Things To Keep In Mind

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone…

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.

Don’t be so open-minded your brains might fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Don’t look back, they might be gaining on you.

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.

Look out for #1. Don’t step in #2 either.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Dain bramaged.

Department of Redundancy Department

Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D’Etat!

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

I can resist everything except temptation.

His ignorance is encyclopedic.

In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *